november 12
in the phone guy voice hello hello hello! I have been recently experiencing social isolation due to some neurological disturbance in my brain. It is so hard to connect with people when you're still seen as the "weird kid". I thought it would get better after highschool, but to my sad dismay my ability to make friends still is lacking and me not fitting in still stays strong. Sometimes I wish that there was pamphlet or atleast a five minute crafts tuttorial on how to be social and be a human being. That tumblr post (I'll link it here) about being a human for the first time creeps up into my mind a lot. There are times where I wish people would give me a break about how I appear to them. Why should I have to keep my composure at all times?? Why do I have to be a trend jumper to fit in? Why can't I be myself and that be enough? A part of me wants to completly get rid of my current personality and desert every attribute about myself that makes me who I am so I can fit in. A fresh start would be nice, but would I turn out the same if I was given the opportunity to start over? Probably.. Don't get me wrong I love all the little things about myself, but it would be nice to fit in for once and a while. Though I guess for now I'll just keep doing me
A poem I like
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
- E.E Cummings
